Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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