so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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