Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize