that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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