it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
