Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
