one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
