did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
