why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This girl is more easily done than said...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
