Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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