Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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