My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
