i was born a porn star she said
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
