i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
