Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
