You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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