so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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