I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
