Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
