Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
