I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
