you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
