This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
