I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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