is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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