Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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