I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
