Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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