Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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