We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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