brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You are the jesus of drinking
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
