I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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