His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
