Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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