I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
