Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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