What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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