Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
