dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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