And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
