Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
