Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
