will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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