I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
