Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
