Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
