u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
