I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
