She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize