Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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