i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
