im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
