but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
