Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
