dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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