I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
