New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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