I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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