Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's an acceptable place to lick
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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