So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
