um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
