I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love you. Go after that dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
