Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
