I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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