Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
