Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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