his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
