Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
