Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
