It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
50% drunk capacity currently
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
